Saturday, June 30, 2007

The Surf Shop At the End of the Universe

Per request in a past episode, the Institute is posting research materials for HBO's new drama, "John From Cincinnati." Interesting threads that seem to run through many of these pieces include a connection to 9/11, constant references to the cancellation of an IHT favorite, "Deadwood," also by Milch and the possibility that the title character is a space alien. Joe from Baltimore, however, cleverly picked up on the possible Judeo-Christian thematics associated with John from Cincinnati ("JC").

From the New York Times, a piece written before the show aired about producer/writer/genius/nutball David Milch. Free registration is required.

The LA Times talks more about expectations than actual plot, although we learn that John's last name is Monat, a nugget yet to be revealed in the show itself (the fact that John claimed to be from Cinci didn't show up until episode two).

In the interests of providing a voice to the opposing opinions, the New Yorker's Nancy Franklin wasn't really impressed with JC. It is possible that she's just one of the people pissed off that HBO dropped "Deadwood" because of JC.

Look at these competing opinions about John from the West Coast and East Coast and you get the sense that perhaps the surf-culture aware denizens of the left Coast might just innately "get it" more than their staid East Coast brethren.

For what it's worth, the staff at the Institute is waiting to pass full judgment on the series. We tend to view the show experientially, just as we did "Deadwood." But after the first three episodes, "John From Cincinnati" has become "event television" on Lanier Drive.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Notes from the 'other' job

Sometimes, I look forward to nothing more than coming home to the Lanier Drive Institute of Higher Thinking and setting down a few thoughts to post on the Internet for my six faithful readers. But sometimes my other job is a real treat. Especially when I get to see the guys from Sweetwater Brewing Company in Atlanta.

Take two guys straight out of a Phish concert, teach them to make and market superb beer, add copious amounts of double entendre and you have the essence of Sweetwater. Don't believe me? Check out the Sweetwater 420 commercial:



If you liked that, check out the guys' web site. If you like beer, try Sweetwater 420, Blue, Hummer or Happy Ending. After all, nothing's better than coming home from work, getting a Hummer and a Happy Ending and going to bed.

Poetry reading & reflection: Randall Jarrell

The Death of the Ball Turret Gunner

From my mother's sleep I fell into the State,
And I hunched in its belly until my wet fur froze.
Six miles from earth, loosed from its dream of life,
I woke to black flak and the nightmare fighters.
When I died they washed me out of the turret with a hose.

--------------------

I am reminded of three things by this poem.


(1) I got to meet novelist William Deihl on several occasions before he died in September. Although not a writer that would be considered a literary figure, Diehl was an excellent storyteller and his books were page turners. Primal Fear turned out to be the starting point for Edward Norton's solid acting career. Bill took time each opportunity I saw him to talk with me about my writing career. On the occasions I saw him I was between 20 and 23, and he always encouraged me to keep writing, keep reading and stay patient. He didn't publish Sharky's Machine—his first novel and later a Burt Reynolds movie—until he was in his 50s.


The most remarkable thing about Diehl may have been that he survived 27 missions as a ball turret gunner. Those brave souls who manned that position in World War II bombers were almost always on suicide missions. By all accounts, the vulnerable nature of this position made ball turret gunners among the most killed and injured fliers of that conflict. I got to talk with Bill about this poem, lending amazing insight to the power of that last line.


(2) On a less somber note: the poem also reminds me of an episode of the great old TV show "Amazing Stories." In season one (which I have on DVD and may review later if the Nerduary doesn't (or hasn't) beat me to the punch), Kevin Costner plays a ball turret gunner with an artistic bent. This was really good television, and someone should look into resurrecting the series, especially with the success of Sci-Fi inspired shows like "Lost," "Heroes" and a new Institute favorite "John From Cincinnati."


(3) Brevity is the soul of wit. Short poem with a one-line kicker. Too good.

Monday, June 25, 2007

The Dean's college roomate

Yep. This guy survived a full year of living with the Institute of Higher Thinking's dean. The wife and kids are professional actresses.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

IHT field trip: Middleground reunion

Funny thing about reunions: they bring people together.

When Institute of Higher Thinking music professor emeritus Michael Avant returned to Statesboro for a high school reunion, it prompted an impromptu reunion of the band Middleground. That, in turn, prompted all of the Old Gang to gather just walking distance up Lanier Drive from the Institute at our favorite local watering hole, Dos Primos. The "Two Kids" lauds itself as "the best damn bar in the whole world," which may be just a tad of an overstatement, but for one night there's no place the faculty of IHT would have rather been.

Above: Music professor emeritus Michael Avant wails.


A large time was had by all. Except for when one unnamed IHT Dean was manhandled off the deck by an irritable bouncer—apparently the ball-shrinking side effects of his steroids made him a little testy (no pun intended). Patrick Swayze would have been appalled at the breach in bouncer etiquette.

Quoth: "Be nice. Be nice until it's time to not be nice."

Anyways—there is a big announcement coming very soon on IHT. Pay attention. Until then, enjoy the semester break and don't forget about your summer reading.

Bob Davis's pheromones, unconstrained by clothing, work their magic on the unsuspecting women of Dos Primos. Bravo, friend. Bravo.


Saturday, June 23, 2007

The summer blockbusters just keep coming

It's the summer break here at the Institute of Higher Thinking, and we're starting to miss new episodes of "The Office." Since the summer movie season has yielded mostly duds and middling pieces of entertainment so far, most of the faculty is waiting with baited breath for the release of 300 on DVD. Reportedly, the blood-soaked Spartan war drama won't be on shelves until August 1.

Luckily, there is this:

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Meet the Faculty: The long overdue part two

This is the second piece in our “Meet the Faculty” conversation with Joseph Lawrence that began here. So far we’ve covered a large chunk of pop culture (particularly music) and even rapped a bit about Dr. Hunter S. “Uncle Duke” Thompson, may he rest in peace.


Obviously, this piece was supposed to be days ago. For reasons I hope to soon reveal on this blog, I’ve been a very, very busy man and haven’t had a chance to properly format my and Joe’s back-and-forth emails for blog publication. For that, I am sorry. But better late than never, right?


SG: Okay, so we finally arrive at sports. Not surprisingly, many of the same themes that come up when you talk about music, movies and TV apply again when discussing sports—particularly at the college and pro level. Namely, there are so many outlets for information that it seems overkill is likely to be the biggest hurdle any sport has to overcome. The NFL has avoided overkill through parity—a new team or storyline emerges every season, it seems.


What concerns me, though, is how much sport seems to have increased in popularity, but diminished in passion. From the players to the fans, it gets harder and harder to find dyed-in-the-wool sports fans. Growing up, I was a Hawks/Braves/Falcons/Georgia Tech fan. Never mind that they sucked. I still loved them. When the Hawks briefly flirted with greatness in the mid-80’s, it was my first experience of being a fan of a really good team.


Of course, if there was ever a bad time to have your franchise’s best teams ever, 1985-1990 was it. Between the Lakers, Celtics and Pistons, you had three incredible franchises. Plus, I would argue that the league was better top-to-bottom from 1980-1993 than at any other time in history.


Still, I remember there being a palpable excitement about basketball in Atlanta in that time, just like the excitement about baseball in that city from 91 to 93. After the baseball strike, everything seemed to change for every sport. Even the World Series title for Atlanta in 1995 didn’t excite me and my friends quite as much as the 91 and 92 teams did. I think we permanently turned a corner with that strike—throughout sports.


JPL: Obviously, with the skyrocketing salaries and crazy fame that comes along with being a pro athlete now, it's a lot easier for one to be cynical about sports then it was say, when our father's were growing up. That we know.

However, I think part of your perception, that the passion is out of sports, has to do with the fact that you are simply getting older. You and I are about the same age, and I'm going through the same thing really. Every sports fan has to go through this. It's called, for lack of a better term, "growing up." The passion is still out there, it's just that as adults, we can't access it anymore.


Using me as an example, I was born in 1970, and we moved to Maryland when I was like four. I grew up watching the Orioles in their golden years. I used to worship guys like Eddie Murray, Jim Palmer, Rick Dempsey, Al Bumbry, and of course, Cal Ripken. I watched every game I could, and listened to the others on the radio. I even kept score for many games. I was obsessed—in a good way.


When I played little league ball in 1982 for the Moose Lodge 654, I carried a Ripken rookie card in my back pocket for every game. He won the Rookie of the Year that year. I unfortunately also realized that I couldn't hit the curveball that year. Alas.


Looking back on it now, I realize that carrying around that baseball card as a good luck charm was corny as hell, but it was very real to me at the time.


My point is that, that sort of worship doesn't exist for you and me anymore. If it did, there would be something wrong with us quite frankly. At the heart of all of these sports, they are just kids’ games. The passion that you are talking about is a child's passion. That's why you don't see it or feel it anymore. That's also why you miss it so much.


When Cal retired a few years ago, I was in my early 30's. It sounds strange, but to me it really felt like him retiring was the definitive "end of my childhood.” It was a weird feeling. Here I am, a 30-year old grown man at the time, but I had never really considered myself to be a "grown up.” I'm not saying that there was any deep significance in that moment other than the fact that it allowed me, for second, to clearly recognize the inevitable passage of time in the context of my own life.


I'm never again going to out and out worship another player like I did with Ripken or Murray. I mean, it's kind of hard to idolize guys who are 15 years younger that you. In fact, it's downright impossible. Those days of really feeling it are gone. Those feelings and that passion is for some other kid out there who is right now repetitively smacking a baseball into the worn leather of his freshly oiled glove, surrounded by a bunch of Brian Roberts’s (or whoever’s) memorabilia in his room and dreaming about playing in the Bigs.


I think that the good news is this, though. There is a still a place out there where us adults can still feel an almost childlike passion for sports; something that we can "feel a part of." That is a passion for your college alma mater. Rooting for your alma mater is different than rooting for a pro franchise, because one is legitimately "a part" of the alma mater. So I think that “us old guys” can still look forward to a lifetime of feeling at least some level of that childhood passion, when we get behind GSU, or wherever you went to school.


SG: I’ll buy that aging does simmer some of the passion, but big money has definitely changed sports since you and I were kids. Even college sports suffers from an amazing disparity between the Haves and Have Nots – that’s one of those recurring themes when people argue about the relative merits of moving a small college football program like Georgia Southern into the same arena with bigger schools they’ll never have any chance of competing with because of the financial advantages a school like Michigan has compared to GSU.


One reason I think that college sports in particular remain popular (at least at the Division I level) is that sports has become a part of pop culture, and D1 schools certainly fall into that level of pop culture. This means that a real college football fan (i.e. a fan that went to the college in question or has had immediate family go to that college) has an additional level of connection to that aspect of pop culture.


I was never in the Ramones (or there’s a 75 percent chance I’d be dead), but I did go to school with Adrian Peterson. So when I see AP making a tackle in the Super Bowl on special teams, the connection is a lot more personal, even though I saw the Ramones live three times and it’s a hell of a lot easier to play the three chords in “Beat On the Brat” than to run through 275-pound defensive tackles. (Of course, I was also a sports writer covering Peterson’s career, so my attachment goes a little deeper, but you get the analogy).


One reason I think the NFL has continually built more and more fan loyalty where the NBA and baseball have dropped off is that the NFL has a salary cap and parity. Every time I see a sports writer talk about parity as a “diluted product” I want to mail that guy (or gal) a crap sandwich, especially when those same writers whine about prima donnas making too much money for the integrity of [insert NBA, baseball or, for a more international flair, futbol]. Pick a position, McCain. A salary cap and a limit on the number of franchises in a professional sports league are the two ways to assure that the product on the field continues to be compelling for the ages.


Again, the cap creates a loyal and passionate fan base because being a poseur bandwagon fan can’t be camouflaged in a balanced league. In 1978, you could be a Steelers fan for like 10 years and say you’d been one all along – no one knew if you were for real or you just liked a winner. Outside of New England, there’s no franchise dominating the NFL, so if you’ve were wearing a Rams hat in 2001 and then suddenly you’re sporting the Baltimore Ravens on your dome and then Tampa Bay gear after that, it is fairly likely you just like to be associated with a winner (which says a lot about your psychology, by the way).


Conversely, a league with parity fosters passion because a whole city now has a collective interest rooted in mainstream pop culture. When the Falcons went to the Super Bowl, people who would have been trading punches on a normal afternoon in Hahira, Georgia, were waving and smiling because both of them had a Falcons’ hat on.


It’s worth noting that my first major league baseball game was in 1983 at Memorial Stadium. The Orioles whipped the Yankees. Eddie Murray hit a slam. I didn’t really know where to mention this.


JPL: Ah, 1983.


A good year; the last time the Orioles won the World Series. Has it been that long? Jeez. Old Memorial Stadium was a grand old gal. I have two Memorial Stadium seats from the auction they held before they demolished her. They are "totally awesome," as Jeff Spicoli might say.


Regarding your take on the lack of fan passion, I really don't have a problem with the amount of money professional athletes make. Look at the amounts of money they generate, and it becomes pretty easy to justify those salaries. People who complain about that get on my nerves.


I do agree with you that salary caps work to produce parity, and that MLB needs one in a bad way. Take it from a fan of one of the "other" AL East teams. It's tough for my O's to compete when we have to play the two highest-salaried teams 18-21 times a year, each. My Birds might not be the best example though, as they have more issues than Cybil.


I think it's obvious that the reason why some sports have salary caps, while others do not, is directly related to how powerful the players' union is for that respective sport. I mean, comparing the MLBPA and the NFL players’ union is like comparing Al Qaeda to the kids who put the cherry bomb in your mailbox last Halloween. The NFL union has no balls, and very little power.


For example, I continue to be amazed, given the fact that injuries are far more likely to happen in football than in any other pro sport, that the NFL does not guarantee player contracts. The MLBPA, on the other hand, has a veritable Cobra Clutch (for all you Sgt. Slaughter fans out there) on MLB.


Marvin Miller was a great lawyer, and he built an incredibly strong union for baseball players. However, I think that the strength of that union, while it has served its members well, is actually hurting its players and the league now, whether they know it or not. The MLBPA is so strong that I really don't see a salary cap in baseball coming anytime soon. I hope I'm wrong though. A new commissioner could change everything. Until then, we'll continue to have a rich/poor/broke scenario in MLB. Haves and have-nots.


As far as college sports, specifically GSU, I don't think that the anti-FBS contingent can use the haves v. have-nots argument as justification to stay put, and get away with it.


By very definition, a move UP assumes that we are coming from a lesser place. That place, FCS, is a place of the have-nots. The whole point in moving up is to change that circumstance. So it's sort of silly for these people to point out that we won't be able to compete with the Michigans and USCs of the world right out of the gate. We're going to be have-nots, as compared to Michigan, for quite some time, but at least moving up a level gets us going toward that direction again.


That argument also ignores that there is a clear and established path and process in transitioning from FCS to FBS. Transition being the key word there.


It is such a red herring when people say that GSU needs to raise UGA-level money before we think about moving. That argument is so disingenuous. Why?


Because it assumes, quite incorrectly, that GSU could raise such a level of money without the administration making a FBS plan public.


The raising of the necessary money, and the leadership of the administration on the issue, go hand in hand. They are not mutually exclusive, as much as Sam Baker would like to insist that they are.


In your writing on the football issue, I sort of sense that you think Sam has done a good job as AD. I'd be interested to hear your justification, if that is correct.


As you know, I am of the opinion that Baker's policies of the last 5-7 years have done serious harm to our entire athletic program. We are now, starting to see the consequences of his actions—or inactions if you prefer. As I said to someone earlier today, you can't blame BVG for the basketball or baseball APR mess.


SG: Wow, a lot of good stuff there. I really shouldn’t let it slip that we were supposed to have a 250-word limit per response, but I think the conversation has been worth it. I like that you pointed out the role of the players’ unions in this parity debate. I like the NFL and love non-guaranteed contracts, because players can’t mail it in, even after signing a big deal. That said, I think there needs to be a full NFL pension for any player who plays one full season (currently it takes three years of service to qualify), a partial NFL pension for any player who makes an NFL preseason roster and lifelong 100 percent healthcare as a provision of the full pension. The NFL must make the pension adjust for inflation and valuate it starting along the lines of an upper-middle class income ($70,000/yr) with ascending value based on seasons of service. Add those provisions and I think you’ve struck a perfect balance between management and the union.


I think you covered baseball’s union pretty well. The NBA actually has the best management/union dynamic, but the league just has too many damn teams and the referees are killing the game.


I don’t think solutions are nearly so easy at the college level, and particularly not at a school like Georgia Southern. I’ll just answer your points and then let you take the lead on that issue…


[CASUAL READER ALERT: If you don’t care about I-AA college football or Georgia Southern, please stop reading now. We’ll let you know when we get back to the sort of stuff normal people talk about.]


First, I-AA was never meant to be compared as an up-or-down with I-A. The original purpose of I-AA was to create a financially-viable way for smaller Division I schools to play football without getting slaughtered by the “football gods” like Notre Dame, Penn State, Georgia, et al. Moving from I-AA to I-A basically became a financial consideration under the “idyllic” underlying philosophy of the NCAA. Of course, the Napoleon Syndrome had every I-AA school to ever make the playoffs bring up the idea of making the jump and competing with the big boys. Once the funding to make the move was available, the jump was made—woe be unto Louisiana-Lafayette and its brethren. Those schools considered the cost only to make the move, not to maintain it.


As you know, I have recently taken a new position that Georgia Southern should also look into moving up. I have clear caveats, though. Since the move to I-A would cost about $2.5 million additional dollars above current athletic budgets (a number I got three years ago, it may be somewhat more), the school should bank at least $7.5 million during a three-year transition (one final I-AA season and the two NCAA mandated transition years). This is less than one year of UGA’s athletic budget, which reinforces your point about not needing Bulldog-level money. If you can’t bankroll the first three seasons of I-A during a three-year campaign to elevate the program, then don’t be afraid to hit the brakes, either. If the corporate and private donations come as they should when/if GSU announces a move up, the 7.5 big, big ones should be in place before the last true I-AA game ends.


Second, moving up is mostly about being in position when the BCS makes its next move. I don’t think Georgia Southern will ever compete on even a semi-regular basis with the Michigans and USCs of the world. It just won’t happen. Even Boise State was a perfect storm of a senior-laden team peaking after over two decades in I-A. Even then, the Broncos needed three unforgettable plays and overtime to beat a good-but-not-great Oklahoma team. So why move up?


Because there are already three tiers of D-I football—I-A haves, I-A have-nots, and I-AA.


When (not if) the BCS eventually makes a power play to either (a) seal off I-A from any more teams moving up and siphoning off their revenue or (b) kicking out the lower-tier teams altogether or (c) breaking off completely from the NCAA and negotiating their own TV contract for the full season, then the best place for schools like Georgia Southern, App State, UMass, Delaware, Youngstown State, Montana and other legitimate football schools currently at I-AA to be is with the lower-tier I-As. That block of schools will have the real power to (a) form a better, 85-scholarship championship football league (b) legally cock-block the BCS, possibly forcing a playoff at the sport’s highest level or (c) live off the settlement money the NCAA will pay those schools to not be a pain in the ass.


As for Sam, you misread me. Baker is a micromanager. He’s a pain in the balls to many sportswriters and has somewhat less than a holistic view of what college competition is all about. He’s too temperamental for his position, too concerned about being right and not at all in tune with how to disseminate the athletic department’s vision.


I think Sam is a good builder of infrastructure, even if he’s just an opportunistic one. The baseball stadium, Paulson improvements, track facility and top, top, top notch golf facility are all great strides for the athletic department. The lack of academic progress by student-athletes, though, is inexcusable—not when Georgia Southern’s president has made academic distinction the two words most commonly associated with his administration.


How much Sam’s hands are tied by the administration vis-à-vis FBS is an unknown. But Baker likes to control the flow of information and will come more unglued than Tony Soprano after Meadow was threatened if any media outlet probes too deeply into the inner workings of the I-AA/I-A dynamic within GSU.


Will GSU make a move to I-A with Baker at the helm? When Brian Van Gorder was hired, I thought the wheels might be turning in that direction. Now, I think not.


Has Sam got enough (or powerful enough) enemies to be removed as AD at Georgia Southern? No. And honestly, if the Eagles start winning again under new football coach Chris Hatcher, I think he’ll look pretty rosy again a la the Paul Johnson era—at least until the BCS/Division I-A crisis reaches a head. Then he’ll look like a tool.


JPL: Those sound like good ideas to apply to the NFL, but the problem is that Gene Upshaw is really a horrible union leader, and a worse negotiator. I mean, the NFL is really the one pro sport where catastrophic and lifetime injuries occur at a relatively regular rate, whether that is a series of concussions, brain damage, knee or hip issues, paralysis, etc.


It's crazy that the NFL players of the past, many old Baltimore Colts, have to scrape and scrounge to survive and pay medical expenses for injuries that occurred during their playing years. Johnny Unitas was an example of that. At the end of his life, the man had so much ligament damage in his hand and wrist, from literally hundreds of cortisone shots he took while he was playing, that he couldn't even sign an autograph with that hand before he died. It's a travesty that a league so rich should treat its founders like that.


Mostly, I blame Upshaw though, because he allows it to go on.



But back to the FCS/FBS thing:

Look, I have no real desire to rehash what I have written over and over again for part of 9 years over at Southern Connection. Pretty much anyone who cares knows what my opinion is. I'll say this though (Mostly because I just can't help myself when it comes to talking about this issue):


Whether the I-A/I-AA system was meant to be hierarchical or not is not really the issue. The fact is, I-AA was always perceived, and rightly so, as an inferior product to I-A in almost every respect, with the exception the playoff system. That basic truth needs to be recognized. First by our administration and then the fans. The only people who believe that I-AA is big-time football are the fanatics that post on I-AA message boards.

It's similar to your former PR argument, in an earlier entry. The concept that I-AA is equal or even close to equal to I-A doesn't line up with what the public believes to be true. As a result of that perception, GSU ends up looking like a D-II school to most people because of our affiliation with the SoCon and FCS.



I disagree that we are doomed to never compete with the Michigans, etc., of the world. I think that most people believe that a playoff system in FBS is an inevitability. Once a playoff system is in place, then much like the NCAA hoops tourney, a lot of Boise/Marshall/GSU-type schools will indeed be competing on that level. I'd like us to be in the best position possible when that happens. That is why I think we should be proactive and move up ASAP to start building a good I-A program with a good reputation for when that day comes.


There's always going to be a disparity between us and the larger schools, but I don't see how people can use that as a reason to put the brakes on growth. It's illogical, Dr. McCoy.


I don't buy your thought that the BCS is going to break away from the non-BCS I-As. Those non-BCS I-As provide the competition, revenue, and overall nationwide interest that the BCS wouldn't get if it broke away. You very succinctly outlined a few of the "headaches" that the non-BCS I-A's could create for the BCS if it tried to break away. I think those hypotheticals that you gave are right on the money, and show that the non-BCS teams actually may have more juice than you give them credit for.


I do, however, buy your thought that the NCAA may at some point seal off I-A/FBS from any further I-AA migrations. That, in my opinion, is the quickest, easiest, and most likely way for the BCS to protect its huge piece of pie. Seal off any further migrations, and then deal with the other non-BCS I-A's as they have been doing thus far. That ban on new migrations is also a proposition that protects the non-BCS I-A's from losing their piece of the pie to upstart I-AA's.


That is why it is imperative, in my opinion, for Georgia Southern to act quickly.


On top of that, even if the NCAA does not lock us out, we may end up locking ourselves out if we squander a chance to get into the Sunbelt—the only geographically-viable FBS conference that would fit Georgia Southern. (Also, a conference that has been demonized to an absurd degree by pro-FCS people. The facts show that the Sunbelt is an up and coming, entry-level FBS conference, not the pit that so many people have been fooled into believing.)


Regarding our A.D., I think that Sam's numerous and continuing strategic errors completely outweigh his accomplishments on infrastructure.


I also think that he really isn't that great at infrastructure either, mostly because he has been (openly) so willing to cut corners on projects, and settles for "good", but not "excellent.”


The last straw though, is this latest APR scandal.


Who has stepped up to take accountability? Why have no heads rolled? These are incredibly serious issues affecting our three big revenue sports, and instead of telling us where we went wrong and how we are going to fix it, Sam is telling us to be "optimistic.” Is this administration telling us that nobody is at fault here? It would seem that way, given the fact that we really have no answers on this issue. Just more excuses. It angers me to an incredible degree, and I really don't see how the media and the locals down there just let it go.


[We're talking normally again, folks.]


On a totally unrelated note, I am going to predict that Tony Soprano gets clipped on Sunday. (Sam is to Grube and GSU, what Pauly Walnuts is to Tony and the "family").


Damn your 250 word rule!


SG: I think Tony's cooperation with the Feds on the terrorism case is his saving grace and both Phil Leotardo and Pauly sleep with the fishes while the Sopranos move into Witness Protection. We'll see.


Thanks for the good conversation. I think you read correctly into my assessment of the many possibilities in NCAA football--the most likely, I think, is the seal-off scenario. But don't pooh-pooh the "we'll take our ball and go play our own game," especially since the NCAA couldn't forbid member schools from playing BCS schools any more than it forbids playing NAIA schools.


You are the first interview in this "meet the faculty" series, so you get to start our first tradition (since you raped the 250-word limit and dragged me down with you): all of my guests get the last word. Our conversation plainly illustrates how pop culture is actually modern culture. I'd like to hear your take on what is actually wonderful about pop culture.


And the next time you're in Statesboro, the Vandy's is on me.


JPL: What's wonderful about "Pop" is that it's one of the few distinctly American "cultural" inventions. (Weirdly enough, that is also what's bad about it, but that conversation is for another day.)


I think it's interesting how pop culture is expanding in the 21st century, and that it is more of a world-wide phenomenon now. Look at how many popular American TV shows are based on British show concepts from the BBC, for instance. The Office(which by the way, if you like the Brit version like I do, then you'll also like Extras on HBO)and Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? are two somewhat recent examples of this, just off the top of my head.


I just started reading The World Is Flat, by Tom Friedman,(about 3 years after I intended to do so) and he really seems to have a grip on how globalization is changing the way that we as Americans have to operate in the business sector, and even the way we all think in general. I actually think that one can apply many of the same concepts that Friedman cites as global changes in international business(i.e. the world flattening) to the globalization of pop culture as well. Obviously America still dominates in the realm of pop culture, but more and more, we are seeing international projects have success in America. I think that is a very good thing, and it helps fight the "strip mall-ization" of the world that really was in full effect in the 90's. That kind of Wal-martian global cultural domination can only lead to resentment, and I think those emotions have been clearly visible in other countries by riots in which the local Starbucks or McDonald's gets trashed, or by other more dangerous anti-American sentiments globally.
In the future my hope is that globalization, specifically as it relates to pop culture, will be a unifying force for the world, rather than a divisive one as it was in the 90's. I think that America's expanding embrace of foreign pop culture will continue to enrich both us and the entire world.


What I really love about pop culture, though, is its ever-constant evolution, and that it is driven primarily by young people.


It's cliche to say so, but I am sick and tired of old, angry white guys ruling the world (for the record, I am white).


Modern pop culture is a wonderfully stealthy, and relatively non-invasive tool that can be used to bridge gaps between people who were formerly thought to be enemies.


History tells us that much, as the collapse of the Soviet Union was arguably partly due to its peoples' desire for blue jeans and rock n' roll.


When looked at with that perspective, pop culture really transcends the traditional school of thought which labels it, "trivial" and "material.”


I could probably write more about what is wrong with pop culture, but you asked for the good. On that note, I think that if pop culture continues to be that unifying force which I described, especially for young people, then it can overcome the many negatives that are also often associated with a “pop culture sensibility.”


Thanks for the conversation, Scott. I enjoyed it a lot. So much so, that I think I discovered my inner-blogger.


As a result, I am launching Opie's Uncensored GSU Sports Blog, where I will comment on GSU sports, all things topical, or just stuff that I find interesting. I'm aiming for a sort of Tony Kornheiser radio show vibe for my blog, in that it will be centered on sports, but I will often venture into the pop culture/entertainment realm as well.


I hope to have my first entry up by Monday, 06/11/07.


I also anxiously await more installments from The Institute and the rest of the faculty. I hope I haven't been a bore.


Peace in the Middle East.


Since concluding this conversation, we have all learned that both Joe and I were theoretically correct about the ending of the Sopranos, since no piece of film or television has ended that ambiguously since Rhett walked out on Scarlett. Of course, that was deemed to be a “classic ending” while everyone railed that David Chase had sold his soul to the devil and given Sopranos fans the finger. People with no sense of history annoy me.


If you want more of Joe, check out his blog or my “comments” section, which I playfully call “Joe’s other blog.” We’ll probably even get back in touch with him during football season on the soon-to-be-released Institute of Higher Sports blog.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

From the Dean's Desk: Music and beer

As a proud distributor and promoter of Miller Lite and a longtime fan of Ryan Adams, I felt completely obligated to post this video. I also discovered that I have been playing the song correctly thanks to a few up-close hand shots. That's right, one of the four or five songs I can play beginning-to-end on guitar after six years. And to think, I've never had a lesson.



If you want some more really good Ryan Adams, this is a good starting point.

PS: I've pushed the finale of my conversation with Joe Lawrence to tomorrow.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Sitting, waiting, wishing

The following time management grenade was rolled into the MySpace inbox of the Dean of the Instituite of Higher Thinking, Scott Garner. Rather than pursue other, meaningful courses of activity, the dean immediately tuned into the Institute’s campus radio station, WIHT, and spent the next several hours compiling the following entry.

Anyone who feels compelled to do the same may leave their lists (or a link to their list on another blog/MySpace page) in the “comments” section. Dean Garner’s comments are in italics and blue.


INSTRUCTIONS
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the first line, song title and artist from the song to answer the question. NO CHEATING!

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
I used to ride with a vending machine repairman/he said he’s been down this road more than twice/he got high on intellectualism/I’ve never been there, but the brochure looks nice…
Sheryl Crowe
“Every Day is a Winding Road”

The brochure for intellectualism actually has Stephen Hawking’s face perfectly Photoshopped onto the body of the guy who played Leonidas in 300.


WHAT'S YOUR OUTLOOK ON LIFE?
Well it was ugly but we made it this far/some are gone but I forget who they are/now the hangovers are worse but we get through ‘em fine/sleeping late but we’re not lazy/getting older but we’re still crazy/I’m so glad that I have these friends of mine
Bowling for Soup
“Friends of Mine”

Okay, that was more than the first line. The spirit of instruction 3 should have been “use the first complete sentiment in the song.”

WHAT DOES YOUR FAMILY THINK OF YOU?
Man, what the fuck is he talking about?
The Coup
“Two Enthusiastic Thumbs Down”

This, no shit, just came up at random… swear to God. I think my dad said these words verbatim twice on Sunday.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I feel like an outline/but the middle part is missing/and the moonlight is kissing the details away
Jill Sobule
“Sold My Soul”

A really depressing song. I feel like I should call some people and apologize for random shit.

WHAT DO STRANGERS THINK OF YOU?
Heads of state who ride and wrangle/who look at your face from more than one angle/can cut you from their bloated budgets like sharpening knives through chicken McNuggets…
Cake
“Nugget”

Getting eerie…

WHAT DO(ES) YOUR EX(ES) THINK OF YOU?
All of us, all of us sing about it
Dandy Warhols
“Plan A” (featuring Simon LeBon)

Of course, for all the singing, I was still ultimately “Plan B” for this demographic.


HOW IS YOUR LOVE LIFE?
Spend your nights here we’ll always be up late
Howie Day
“Sorry, So Sorry”

Unless we’re going to bed at 10… again.

HOW WILL YOUR LOVE LIFE BE IN THE FUTURE?
Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call…
Jimmy Buffett
“A Pirate Looks at 40”

Sorry, Jessica, apparently I’m going to cheat on you with The Little Mermaid.

WILL YOU GET MARRIED?
We built the houses in a row/On the streets we used to know/All the things out in the yard/Beckoning there to and fro/And if the money isn’t right, can I be yours tonight?
Whiskeytown
“Easy Hearts”

Translation: yes, on October 13th.

WILL YOU HAVE KIDS?
Well, meet be by the river that goes nowhere…
Cracker
“Mr. Wrong”
Paging a fertility specialist.


WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Man in uniform told me once to get out
Pete Yorn
“Man in Uniform”

Of course, the guy was in a Klingon Warrior uniform. Irony.


WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
I listen for your footsteps coming up the drive/Listen for your footsteps, but they don’t arrive
The Beatles
“Don’t Pass Me By”

Seriously fucking creepy now…

THE SOUNDTRACK OF YOUR LIFE:
Now don’t just walk away pretending everything is okay and you don’t care about me
Michelle Branch
“Are You Happy Now”

Now that’s just a little egocentric—even for me.

YOU AND YOUR BEST FRIEND ARE:
Stay a while and work it out with me
Son Volt
“Mystifies Me”

That’s what friendship is all about, right?

HAPPY TIMES:
Blame it on the Teatons, yeah I need a scapegoat now
Modest Mouse
“Blame It On the Teatons”

The better line in this song that I think applies is: “All the eager actors gladly take the credit for the lines created by the people tucked away from sight.”


SAD TIMES:
Have I told you lately that I love you
Van Morrison
“Have I Told You”

Ahhh… yeah… next!

FOR TOMORROW:
Change your name, here’s your place, run away oooohhhhh
Slow Runner
“Break Your Mama’s Back”

Sorry, Mom.

FOR SEX:
I was born long ago/I am the chosen, I'm the one/I have come to save the day/And I won't leave until I'm done
Lenny Kravitz
“Are You Gonna Go My Way”

Just remember, it’s all about me—at least according to this song.

FOR YOU:
Well I met a girl today, she was sitting all alone, I went up to her and asked, ‘Would you like some company’
Spider Monkey
“Make You Smile”

…then my fiancée said, “hold your horses, there, Skippy! I will totally whip the Little Mermaid's ass if you don't back up off that chicken of the sea!!!”

WHAT DOES NEXT YEAR HAVE IN STORE FOR ME?
Jimi Hendrix
“The Star Spangled Banner” Woodstock, 1969

To quote Shana, who originally set off this whole blog entry by emailing me this challenge: “Apparently you'll either be really patriotic next year or you're going to protest your ass off.” Shouldn’t good Americans do both?

WHAT DO I SAY WHEN LIFE GETS TOO HARD?
My morning scene it’s for the life of a TV dream, its lazy heart leaves me careening
Jonah Smith
“My Morning Scene”

My TV dream: I’m the guy on Lost that Kate ditches Jack and Sawyer for. There’s a shower scene.

WHAT SONG WILL I DANCE TO AT MY WEDDING?
For the benefit of Mr. Kite, there will be a show tonight on trampoline
The Beatles
“Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite”

I assure you, I will not dance to this song at my wedding…

WHAT DO YOU WANT AS A CAREER?
He said ‘I’m gonna buy this place and burn it down’
Coldplay
“A Rush of Blood To the Head”

He took my red stapler.

YOUR FAVORITE FEELING?
They say everything will be replaced, every distance is not near/I remember every face of every man who brung me here
Kevin Kenny (covering Bob Dylan)
“I Shall Be Released”

Insert your own funny comment here; I can’t think of one.

YOUR FAVORITE SAYING?
Come down off your throne and leave your body alone
Blind Faith
“Can’t Find My Way Home”

That’s just my favorite saying when I’m talking to Michael Jackson.

HOW WILL I DIE?
As I walk down the highway all I do is sing this song…
Led Zeppelin
“Out On the Tiles”

…and my iPod drowns out the semi truck, causing me to end more abruptly than the Sopranos.

THE SONG THAT YOU'LL PUT AS YOUR SUBJECT?
I was sitting, waiting, wishing you believed in superstitions, then maybe you’d see the signs
Jack Johnson
“Sitting, Waiting, Wishing”

And now I’m gonna have a beer…

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Up yours, Paulie Walnuts

Just for the record, I think Tony Soprano is going to survive tonight's Sopranos finale. At least I hope he does.


Thursday, June 7, 2007

Poetry Reading: Yosef Komunyakaa

Blue Light Lounge Sutra For The Performance Poets At Harold Park Hotel
By Yosef Komunyakaa

(Listen to it here)

the need gotta be
so deep words can't
answer simple questions
all night long notes
stumble off the tongue
& color the air indigo
so deep fragments of gut
& flesh cling to the song
you gotta get into it
so deep salt crystalizes on eyelashes
the need gotta be
so deep you can vomit up ghosts
& not feel broken
till you are no more
than a half ounce of gold
in painful brightness
you gotta get into it
blow that saxophone
so deep all the sex & dope in this world
can't erase your need
to howl against the sky
the need gotta be
so deep you can't
just wiggle your hips
& rise up out of it
chaos in the cosmos
modern man in the pepperpot
you gotta get hooked
into every hungry groove
so deep the bomb locked
in rust opens like a fist
into it into it so deep
rhythm is pre-memory
the need gotta be basic
animal need to see
& know the terror
we are made of honey
cause if you wanna dance
this boogie be ready
to let the devil use your head
for a drum

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Syllabus: Like previews, only more academic sounding…

A few notes from the last faculty meeting of the Lanier Drive Institute of Higher Thinking:


The second portion of the conversation between IHT Dean Scott Garner and Baltimore-area legal professional/sports message board instigator Joseph Lawrence will likely not appear until Tuesday of next week. Some grammatical errors in the first segment of the interview still remain uncorrected due to a draft version of the conversation being placed on the blog when the more polished version was lost to the Computer Gods, have ye mercy on us oh Silicon Deities. Since many of the emails between Dean Garner and Mr. Lawrence, esq, were exchanged at late hours, grammar errors by both parties were… ahem… profound and prodigious.


The long-promised final piece of the series that interests only hardcore fans of I-AA football and Georgia Southern (last seen here) should go up sometime after the conversation with Mr. Lawrence, esq, is complete. After all, to post it now might compromise the direction of the chat between the Dean and the Institute's Legal Council. Just don't call him "Ted." In related news, the Institute's executive board has voted 1-0 to create a separate blog for IHT sports discussion.


The lecture "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Manners" is being prepared and should arrive online sometime in the next two weeks. Remember people, the Institute is very, very short on staff and the staff has another job, too.


Meanwhile, consider this entry from another noteworthy blog to be a "guest lecture." Also, it is an attempt to pander shamelessly to the female demographic, which, we assume, won't be visiting the sports blog much.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Meet the Faculty: Baltimore Joe

When I opened the doors of the Lanier Drive Institute of Higher Thinking, I envisioned a blog that wasn't quite like everyone else's. Considering that there are roughly 4 billion blogs out there, I'm sure I'll never achieve the degree of singularity I would like. Still, this was not to become one of those pages where some hack just ranted off into the cyberverse about whatever issue was particularly interesting to him that day. It has been that so far, but it has also been new.

Beginning today, the Institute is launching a monthly series called (as you may have noticed above), "Meet the Faculty." In this case, the "Faculty" just happens to be anyone I find interesting.


First up is Joe "Don't Call Me Blossom's Brother" Lawrence. Joe is known as "OpieGSU" on the Georgia Southern fan message boards, from which he has been banned for being unsociable or revolutionary or a pain in the ass or right about things, depending on who you ask. My exchanges with him through the "comments" section of this blog have been interesting and civil, so he seemed like a perfect person to begin this new segment. This "conversation" was held by email over a span of about ten days and is being presented in two parts.


Next month: who knows? I'm taking volunteers.


SG: I guess this should start out by letting my three faithful readers know that to my knowledge, we have never met. I know you from the Southern Connection message boards and you, I assume, know me from my lengthy stint as Georgia Southern's beat writer for the Statesboro Herald. You work in Baltimore in the legal profession (correct me if I completely crap the bed on my facts) and I now haul the Miller Girls around the Coastal Empire trying to get people to drink more Miller Lite. Good gigs all around.


Something I noticed from your Southern Connection days that really sticks out is your use of Hunter S. Thompson's image in all of your posts. I read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail, '72, but my most lingering impression of Thompson is that he served as the model for the character of Uncle Duke in the Doonsbury strip. In my old blog I called the report of Thompson's suicide an early contender for "the least shocking headline of 2005," but the man had/has this cult of worshippers that make Michael Jackson's fans look like rational human beings. You know, intellectuals, gun nuts and recreational drug users who gladly embrace "gonzo" journalism and read Thompson's apocryphal ramblings like the Dead Sea Scrolls. That is some really fine iconography. What draws you to Thompson?



JPL: There's nothing that I can say that hasn't already been said about Thompson. HST was just the quintessential anti-authoritarian. Mixing guns, gambling, drugs, and booze? What's not to like? It sounds like a Georgia Southern party.


On top of that, he was hilarious. I guess my first exposure to HST was like everybody else, by reading Fear and Loathing, in high school. About the same time, I had a subscription to Rolling Stone, and they would often feature articles from HST. I've read most of his stuff since then, and whether it was his adventures as an American reporter in Puerto Rico in The Rum Diary, or his political/social commentary of Kingdom of Fear, he has just never failed to make me laugh out loud. He had no allegiance to anyone but himself.


HST was one of the last of the genuine rebels of American pop culture. In today's world, even rebellion is processed, packaged, and for sale. Whether it's writing, music, film, it's all been calculated by some weasel in an office with piles market research and consumer data.


Thompson couldn't have been further from that. While much of his "adventures" in his gonzo journalism are clearly over-exaggerations and embellishments, he is so genuine and committed in his writing that one often finds it difficult to tell whether or not he is giving an account from reality or from his own drug-enhanced imagination. Where does the reality become the gonzo and vice versa in other words.


Most kids today would find it hard to believe that a 60+ year writer could ever be as "rebellious" as today's pre-packaged bullshit pop pseudo-punk anarchist. HST would eat Marylin Manson or Fallout Boy alive if he ever had them out to his "compound."


The guy was a sports fan too. He wrote a column on espn.com called, "Hey Rube", toward the end of his life, in which he shamelessly ripped this horrible president we have, while at the same time writing fall down funny accounts of his sports gambling losses.


HST was a man's man, and a unique voice in a sea of recycled ideas.


When do we get to talk about how bad Sam Baker sucks? Hehheh


SG: Keep yer pants on, we'll get to that.


I think it's interesting that you talk about how rebellion is packaged these days. I don't know if you ever saw it, but PBS had an amazing documentary a few years back about how MTV peddles "cool" to the youth demographic—in their case about 13 to 25. It's called The Merchants of Cool, and you can actually watch the program online.


Two things I think are really amazing about this: first, even college-age kids turn towards MTV for a frightening amount of entertainment. I mean, look at that demographic! And 13 might be a lowball number for the lower threshold of MTV's targeting. It's scary to think that 22-year old college seniors are tuning into "The Real O.C." because it appeals to them in the same ways it does to 13-year-olds. Second, with the Internet and viral marketing, some companies are using tools like MySpace and Facebook to create underground movements that aren't really underground.


I wonder what Uncle Duke would have had to say about that!


Isn't it funny how well this documentary holds up, even though it was first made in 1995?


JPL: Yeah, I remember watching that show. (BTW, Frontline has some great in-depth stories, especially on the war. I spend money on a satellite dish with like 1000 channels, and I end up watching PBS half the time. Alannis Morissette would call that irony.)


That particular show depicted exactly the kind of invasive marketing research/data that I'm talking about.


That kind of hardcore, directed psychological manipulation, by large entities like corporations or governments, becomes even more ominous when one considers that we are currently in a war in Iraq that was super-hyped and barely questioned by the same media machine that dictates "cool." You, being a reasonable thinking person, would have to assume that the same types of marketing strategies were used to sell the war to the American people as a whole.


I say all this without pretending that I am somehow above this type of corporate manipulation. Everyone is subject to it unless you are one of the few people in this country who don't own a TV, don't listen to popular music, and/or don't watch popular films. You know, aliens (or certain Manhattan-ites and the Amish).


It's scary.


Fear of being manipulated and brainwashed by these corporate cretins is almost enough to make me not want to watch my TV on a semi-constant basis like I do. Almost.


Being a Doctor of Journalism, man, Raoul Duke, would of course curse these marketing pigs for the swine they are, and then probably go off on a tirade about how you can't trust Samoans either.


Speaking of documentaries, now there's a art form that has enjoyed a creative explosion in our lifetimes. I personally think the reason for that is because we've run out of original ideas as a culture. Very little of the American/western pop culture is original anymore. I mean, if I have to see Hollywood make another sitcom redux movie, or another re-make of a re-make, I think I'll puke. Even most of the ideas in modern writing have been done already, over and over again. And the popular music industry? It died when "American Idol" hit and Fatboy Slim made it cool to be a sellout.


[Below: Fatboy Slim, "Weapon of Choice"]



It's no wonder why more and more of today's filmmakers are turning to reality subjects and documentaries. That's the only original shit out there, and it is, for now, a semi-haven from corporate influence. It's like all of the BIG ideas have been done, so these documentary-makers need to find their art in the ordinary and mundane things, in order to be original. That search interests me.


Now that I just slammed modern writers, what's up with this novel your writing? Are you going to break some new ground?


In all seriousness, writing a novel takes a level of discipline that I do not yet possess. How's the progress, and what's it about, more or less?


SG: Fiction writing has been a labor for me lately—this is one of the reasons I've begun blogging again. It's a kick-start. I haven't been a full-time professional writer in almost two years, and although the skill is like riding a bike, I'm still not going to get up on a half-pipe right away.


My first novel has been a work-in-progress since 2003, based on an idea I originally conceived in 1994. I have notes/outlines for three or four other works, but I'm pretty committed to this first one. First I am writing a play for the Statesboro Arts Center. Paying gig.


As far as finding original ideas, I think the sheer landscape of human thinking has become so big that a unique voice or perspective is more important than a unique idea, since the latter is almost extinct. I disagree that all of pop culture has been compromised, too. After all, we are so schismed as a society that finding a true crossover sensation is really tough. If there are 10 million Americans tuned into "American Idol," that is still just a fraction of the overall population.


But back to original voices for a minute.


When I decided to start blogging again, I really wanted to do something a bit different. Most blogs are mind-numbingly boring or self-absorbed or just ignorant. My old blog was probably not very different in most respects (and this one is just beginning to find a voice). So I thought I'd try a blog where I actively try to engage people in thought. This little "conversation" is a step I hope to repeat regularly with a variety of folks chipping in their opinions. I have some other ideas, too. I just didn't want this to be another page of "some guy bullshitting."


Again, this is just an attempt at a less-staid approach to a concept that can be pretty tiresome, but also fairly brilliant.


The novel, meanwhile, continues to grow in terms of how it writes itself in my brain. Again, I think I've found a unique way to tell a story that may ring somewhat familiar, but with some skill and patience, I should be able to make the story my own. My fiancée is pretty supportive of me continuing a writing career, but for now, beer pays the rent. I don't regret leaving journalism, but I'll never quit being a writer.


(And you'll notice I never gave anyone even a whiff of my novel's plot…)


JPL: Only 10 million watch "American Idol," but many, many more are exposed to its poison. How many times a week has your local news featured some "American Idol" update? You can't escape it. The shit is everywhere. That's not to mention that just about every westernized country now has its own version of "Idol". It's global and pervasive.


We used to have rock stars or jazz musicians or country singers, who bled and sweated out their own songs, paid their dues in a local scene, and as a result refined their styles for a mass audience. That's a long-term prospect.


Now though, thanks to "Idol," popular music has become infested with glorified lounge singers, singing covers, and calling themselves "artists". Never mind that they didn't write the songs, and were coached and packaged from day one to appeal to the widest possible audience. In other words, they appeal to the lowest common denominator.


For me, what makes any art worthy is the level of sincerity that comes through it. As long as it is genuine, and comes from a real place in the artist's heart, then I have a hard time criticizing it. However, the overt commercialization of "art" today, makes any artist's attempt at making a genuine statement completely hollow. It's impossible for you to be truly genuine if you are trying to sell me something.


I'm specifically talking about music here, but I think it holds true for other art forms as well. Selling out used to be the last step for a musician. Now it is the first. For example, how many popular songs over the past few years have gotten their first wide exposure in an ad for cars, trucks, or iPods?


It's just really disturbing that people love to be spoon-fed this pure bullshit.


It's laziness really. Rather than tune into a good college radio station, where you are very likely to hear something you've never heard before, people take the easy way, and tune into some Idol wingnut singing a song that has already been done three times over.


People are so eager and desperate to be led to the trough. It's sad.


That's why I personally try to embrace anything that's different or sub-normal, in order to get away from the constant bombardment of the "cultural salesmen." Weird people and weird things are so much more interesting, for one thing.


SG: Your brush may be a bit too broad, my friend. I think it is disingenuous to blame an artist for mainstream success.


The term "average American" should really put a little more emphasis on the word "average." Like it or not, the broad shoulders of this economy belong to the thoroughly average American, "people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons." Thank you, Mel Brooks.


I'm not going to fault Kelly Clarkston or Dianna DeGarmo (who went to my high school, by the way) or William Hung or any other overnight sensation for riding the wave created by the entertainment appetites of a populace of cultural dunces. More power to them. I hope they sleep on cotton candy and shit twenty dollar bills. What they are doing is no less insincere than bluesmen who robbed licks and lyrics from their counterparts or Hall of Fame singers who made their name playing other people's songs. Hell, Elvis did it and the Beatles started out recording a tremendous number of covers. My favorite Nirvana performance is the Meat Puppets "Lake of Fire" or the Leadbelly "Where Did You Sleep Last Night" off the Unplugged in New York CD. Cobain owned those songs and doesn't deserve to be faulted for cribbing off someone else's (musical) notes.


I don't blame the marketers, either, not really. Their job is to make a product that will draw attention to itself, be it TV, music, movie or book. Since an overwhelming number of Americans lack critical thinking skills, they aren't able to differentiate between what is popular because it is good and what is popular because it has been engineered to be popular. Really good art will always find an audience. But it might take a while. So if Mellowdrone sells the rights to "Oh My" to Nissan for a car commercial, that doesn't make the song any less kick-ass. It just means someone associated with the band said "oh hell yeah I'll take a million bucks… I don't care if you use it in the commercial for the Nissan Shitcan." If nothing else, the so-called sellout might let a good band make another good LP.


Likewise, I don't begin hating something just because it attains mainstream popularity. I met Maroon 5 a few years back when they opened in Statesboro for Jennifer Nettles (now of Sugarland fame). Those guys were all right. Live, their music was so tight that I was blown away, and they gave me a free three-song EP before Songs About Jane was ever released. Now there is some degree of M5 overkill thanks to the record companies getting too much airplay for their band (a la Alanis Morrissette), but that doesn't mean I don't like them anymore. If the new CD has good music, I'll like it. If it doesn't, I'll still like the first one.


Which brings up my final point—flash-in-the-pan celebrity will always consume itself. Eventually, even Average America gets bored with Brittany, who is now more famous for being a pantyless slut than for her singing. Other 15 Minutes of Famers have faded so far into obscurity that I can't think of one right now. Even worse, you can end up with the George Reeves effect and never outgrow your initial place in pop culture.


Celebrity isn't exactly something I would wish on someone, so when I think about all the bad music, TV and movies out there, I choose to ridicule the people who consume it, not the ones who make it. I mean, everybody needs a job.


If we are very, very lucky, we get some pop culture guides to lead us and some truly brilliant art to be the cutting edge. Folks like Hunter Thompson, Chuck Klosterman, Bill Simmons, Jon Stewart, the people at The Onion, Terry Gross and hundreds of others are out there to shed some light on the pop culture landscape. If people choose to ignore their guidance, that's their own gig.


Which brings me to a fairly obvious question: what are your guilty pop culture pleasures?


JPL: I don't really blame the artists, the marketers, or the corporations, as much as I blame the stupid American people for eating it up like flies do with shit. Regarding the artists, it all comes down to sincerity. A guy like Cobain could pull off a cover of a Meat Puppets song because he paid his dues, and he does the song with clear reverence for the Puppets. He was committed to that song, and all of his others. They came from his heart. We all know that.


When a kid like Sangina does a cover of a Kinks jam, he's doing it because someone told him that it would make him famous and make him a lot of money. It's a completely different vibe. He's got no affinity for the song, no real respect for it. He doesn't feel it. It's just a vehicle to a mansion on a hill, and crazy amounts of teenage tail, for him. Sure, those perks also come to the genuine artist who is lucky enough to achieve notoriety in his lifetime, but they aren't necessarily his entire motivation. In fact, it didn't seem like Cobain himself ever really wanted those perks at all. Everything that I've read about him seems to suggest that he really struggled with maintaining "sincerity" in his music after all the success had come. In my opinion, that struggle was what drove him to kill himself (along with Courtney and a raging H-bomb habit).


I guess I just like my artists to be starving ones. That, in and of itself, is a cliche though. Remember when Nevermind first broke, and Kurt was on the cover of Rolling Stone with a homemade T-shirt that said, "Corporate Mags Still Suck"? It's all a paradox and it would seem that if you are really good, it is almost impossible not to "sell out" at some point in your career. Like you said, the good stuff usually shines through, even if it is years down the road.


Look, I certainly understand that when you break it down to the individual level, every cog in the machine that is mass media, is an individual person, who is basically just trying to pay the rent and eat.


However, economic motivation while a reality, is not an excuse for selling out. Sell out all you want, just don't claim that you are a pure artist, or anything more than just a mass produced consumer product. Time to quit, I have gone way past the high and might stage. Who am I to talk?


My guilty pleasure of pop culture? The Goo Goo Dolls, Pop Tarts, Playstation2 NCAA 07, The Drudge Report, Letterman, the view, and Regis & Kelly, weed, Sportscenter, The Bad Girls Club, The Star Wars flicks, burgers from Five Guys, Cathouse on HBO, Real Time w/ Bill Maher, NPR's 'Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me', Myth Busters, American Chopper, the Don and Mike Radio show, did I mention weed?


SG: So I definitely have more guilt associated with my guilty pleasures. I completely trump you in the guilt category with films like Smokey and the Bandit, Roadhouse, anything with Godzilla in it (even the awful American version) and Love, Actually (which is a great movie, but I hemorrhage Man Points by mentioning it as one of my favorites). My television guilt is limited: I love "Deal Or No Deal." My literary indiscretions include Conan novels (not just the ones by Robert E. Howard, either) and comic books. Not cutting edge graphic novels, either (although I like those, too). I'm talking about an addiction to The Incredible Hulk and Astonishing X-Men (written by Joss Whedon of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" fame). And in music, well, the list is long, but tends to be limited to songs rather than artists. I guess anyone can put lightning in a bottle. I like at least two Kelly Clarkston songs, think Pocket Full of Kryptonite by the Spin Doctors has at least four really, really good songs on it and I actually once owned Dokken's Dream Warriors on vinyl. Yes, the title song of the album is also the title song from Nightmare On Elm Street III. Thankfully, I now admit Dokken was shit. I'm sure there's plenty more on my iPod that would make more eclectic audiophiles cringe, but I'm not divulging that right here right now.


JPL: God lord, Deal or no Deal?! You should be ashamed. Heheh.


I love Smokey and the Bandit, but no guilt there.... "East bound and down, loaded up and truckin'. We gonna do what they say can't be done." The scenes with Jerry Reed are my faves. And Sally Field was never hotter than she was in those movies.


OK, I just admitted that I sometimes watch The View and Regis and Kelly... can we hurry up and talk some football?


We will shift gears to sports, beginning later this week or early next week.