The Cult of I-AA: Short and sweet

This edition of the Cult of I-AA is going to be cut a bit short. You see, the Grand and Aged Father of the Cult (i.e., my dad) took a spill last Saturday night while importing celebratory beers from the outside fridge to the inside fridge of the Highway 119 Institute of Higher Thinking following Georgia Southern's season-opening victory over West Georgia.

In the process, he ruptured his spleen. There is "falling on your sword" and there is "falling on your beer." In a freak accident, the Grand and Aged Father fell on his beer, the latest in a lifelong string of mishaps to befall the Old One. Just today, he was finally discharged from the hospital and was last seen hobbling around the kitchen on his artificial leg with his abdomen still tightly bound, ostensibly to keep his guts from flying out. I am making not one word of this up.

So instead of cranking out 3,000 words, the High Priest is taking a different route this week. Today I'll feature a quick update of my ongoing I-AA picks and report on the progress of the I-AA All-Stars fantasy team against my fantasy team, Bad Newz Kennels. Check back Sunday or Monday for a quick recap of the weekend's action, more on the I-AA Hall of Fame, the weekly Cult Babe and a new feature I'll hopefully be unveiling that day as well.

And watch where you're going with that brewskie.

Picking up the pace

It's still just week three for most of I-AA, and the inescapable absurdity of early-season polls is apparent. This isn't because we've seen wild upsets or dominating performances (outside of App State) but because after just two games, no team in the nation really knows too much about what they've got in relation to everyone else. Again, except for App.

UMass has looked lethargic but strong. Youngstown beat a South Dakota State team last week that might be pretty good. James Madison has the biggest claim on a legitimate top three spot this side of Boone after beating New Hampshire—but who really knows!?! Most I-AA squads have played every sort of team except another I-AA team.

In a perfect world, there would be a preseason poll to set expectations and not another poll again until the third weekend in October. In fact, the High Priest is going to unveil his own Cult of I-AA "Field of 16" poll beginning after the October 20 games. Since I'm getting married the week before that, would someone please email me and remind the old High Priest that he promises a "Field of 16" poll on, oh, October 21^st? Thanks.

As for the High Priest, the Crystal Ball came back from maintenance last week in pretty good shape. I was 7-2 in last week's picks, missing on upset bids by Hofstra and Northern Iowa. I did forsee James Madison's coup and Portland State's rebound game, though.

On the season, the High Priest has improved to 12-6, but the games are still relatively easy.

Here are this week's picks. Let's start with the I-A vs. I-AA matchups, where I see one potential "upset" in the offing: McNeese State has a good chance of toppling Louisiana-Lafayette. In terms of beating a I-A team, it's like outrunning a kid in a wheelchair, but a win is a win. Don't expect such upsets in the other games, including New Hampshire-Marshall. The Thundering Herd may be 0-2 with a loss to a pretty pitiful Miami team, but they will still handle the Wildcats.

Here are the picks. Some nicknames have been submitted in place of actual school names, but only for the teams I think are going to lose:

HARVARD over Sports Guy University
APPALACHAIN over Northern Arizona
MARSHALL over Ricky Santos U
NC STATE over Wofford
GEORGIA SOUTHERN over Fancy Name For A Yard Bird U
ILLINOIS STATE over Eastern Illinois
NORTH DAKOTA STATE over Sam Houston State
McNEESE STATE over The Sunbelt Conference's Answer to Chattanooga
CAL POLY over The Grill

Oh, but for Tony Romo

The I-AA All Stars rode week one's top fantasy player in any reasonable scoring system, Tony Romo, and trounced my Bad Newz Kennels team 118-92. That makes two losses for the Pit Bulls, who dropped their actual for-money fantasy game 94-92 on a late field goal in the Arizona game.

Romo, throwing in large part to fellow Cult graduate Terrell Owens, racked up 52 points in the Greater Savannah Fantasy Football League scoring system. I don't care what league you're playing in: that's impressive.

Worth noting: Payton Award winners Romo and Brian Westbrook combined for 64 points, while Heisman darlings Carson Palmer and Reggie Bush totaled up 22.

Here is the final scoring:

QB Tony Romo (Eastern Illinois/Dallas): 52 pts
15/24, 345 yds, 4 TD, 1 INT, 11 rush yds, 1 rush TD
Bad Newz Kennels: Carson Palmer, 19 pts

RB Brian Westbrook (Villanova/Philadelphia): 12 pts
85 yds rush, 65 yds rec
BNK: Reggie Bush, 3 pts

RB Brandon Jacobs (Southern Illinois/New York): 4 pts
26 yds rush
BNK: DeAngelo Williams, 5 pts

WR Terrell Owens (Chattanooga/Dallas): 20 pts
87 yds, 2 TD
BNK: Reggie Wayne, 31 pts

WR Donald Driver (Alcorn State/Green Bay): 6 pts
66 yds
BNK: Roy Williams, 8 pts

TE Eric Johnson (Yale/New Orleans): 5 pts
57 yds rec
BNK: Jeremy Shockey, 4

K Jeff Wilkins (Youngstown State/St. Louis): 8 pts
2/2 FG, 1/1 PAT
BNK: Jason Elam, 11 pts

DEF Jacksonville (DC Mike Smith, East Tennessee St): 10 pts
BNK: Carolina Panthers, 11 pts

The starting lineup for BNK will be the same this week, while the I-AA squad may have to insert a backup to cover for injured RB Brandon Jacobs. It's a game time decision.

Cult Babes

In his other life, the High Priest works as the promotions and marketing guy for a beer company, which comes with the perk of being able to choose and escort the incredibly hot young ladies that work to promote the various beers and spirits my company is pushing.

Four of these five hotties are straight from Georgia Southern, I-AA National Champions in hot coeds since anyone bothered to take note. Think you can do better? Prove it. Email your best to the High Priest, and we'll let the Cult decide.

Of course, that picture is just the tip of the iceberg.